the end of the road...

I've been lacking inspiration lately for this blog. I know I said I wouldn't sell-out but I'm only human. You can find some of my posts reposted on Tumblr. I don't have time to keep up with two blogs and the conveniency of Tumblr on my phone has proven to be of greater use for the times I have a sudden brain fart and I'm on the road. Thank you for being so loyal in reading this blog.

Living up is letting go.

I'll see you on the other side...called "Tumblr."

let me be conceited and selfish for once.

I...

...Cannot wait till I gather the enough strength to say enough is enough...with a lot of things.
...Hope that I will find someone who will love me for the sentiment of who I am.
...Am tired of helping reconstruct a person's self-image only to evoke a big ego.
...Wish that someone could put as much effort in me as I do to others.
...Don't understand why I always put myself in such a substantial amount of predicaments that I have no way out of.
...Deserve the world and more but can't seem to get myself to realize that I do deserve it.
...Have so much love to give that it hurts knowing that I only share this desire with a few.
...Look like I trust and have a lot of friends...but it's been best said that "looks are deceiving."
...Need someone to tell me and make me feel beautiful.
...Don't feel completely beautiful on the outside, but am confident with the in.
...Think in due time I will find that puzzle to my peace I call "love."
...Can only do so much in this life time and want someone to hold my hand and accomplish it with me.
...Need a man who will motivate me to strive for and never any less.
...Want to be with a person that I'm not scared of losing...who's eyes meet mine and can help me be the very definition of "I."

for random posts...

I finally jumped on to the tumblrwagon. But it's more for inspirational-random-picture-quotes-re-blogging posts. Joyce on the daily. I'll still have this blog as my main escape to writer's diarrhea. Don't worry blogspot, I ain't selling you out. Anyway, check it out:

RANDOMOLOGY.

know your worth

If he fails to recognize the beauty and value you hold; If he decides that the girl every man lusts for is way more significant than you; If he'd rather go for sex appeal than substance; If he seeks attention from every other girl besides you; If he thinks that innocent flirty texts to other girls consist of "let's get drunk and see where things go" or "I think you're beautiful"; If by the end of the day you're not one of the last things that cross his mind.

-- Walk away. He does not appreciate the lovely woman standing before him.

Because, someday, someone will realize your beauty and value you as their prized possession. Because someone, somewhere thinks that you are the most wondrous and alluring creation put on this earth. Because a woman with substance IS sexy. Because your attention should be the only one that matters. Because one day those won't be JUST innocent text messages and although other girls may be found attractive, his eyes should only see true beauty in you. Because when the sun sets and the moon rises he should know just how lucky he is to have a charasmatic, exquisite, breath-taking gem like you. Something so much more and incomparable to any other woman that has walked in and out of his life. A majestic and ageless gift to him, which is your unconditional love.

So, if he fails to acknowledge that and would rather live the "playboy" life...just leave. He was obviously not worth your time and you were evidently just a facade of a mature and blissful relationship that he could have had.

LGS

No, it's not the brand LRG. No, I didn't mean LSG (Levert, Sweat, Gill)...although their single "My Body" was sexy enough to get any girl to drop her panties and do the body roll.

-- LGS, everybody has them. Girl OR Guy. Some more than others. With Valentines Day on our minds this could possibly be the most depressing yet most fitting post for the occasion. This term is an acronym developed by a friend and I, made to describe a feeling. A feeling that we all know too well and is frequently shared amongst us on romantic holidays such as today:

L - Lonely
G - Girl/Guy
S - Syndrome

For the days we just want to shit-kick the world, shut everyone off, and be alone. It's that emptiness in your chest on a rainy day. It's that pain-staked stab in the heart where your mind goes blank and leads to the next occurrences. It's that sting in your eye that can make any grown up cry. It's that numbness you feel after you think that your whole life is meaningless and broken. It's that punch in the gut, knocking the wind out of you, making it hard to breathe. It's that realization that you only have yourself in this harsh world, and that no guy, no girl, no friend and no relationship could ever fix that void that you feel.

I'm not going to sit here and whisper words of encouragement. I'm not going to deny that, that shit sucks. Cause, to be real honest, it does. What I can promise you is this: It'll happen again. You will deal with it now and every holiday spent alone. You will deal with it on your days off from work. You will deal with it when you're having the time of your life with your friends. You may not deal with it now, but you will deal with it years ahead from the present. And all you can really do is accept it. You don't need to embrace, you don't need to rectify why you feel the way you do. Just accept. And hope the next time you're feeling LGS that it won't be so frequent or so bad.

dedication to derek cardigan

The term "fits like a glove" turned to "suited like a pair of eye glasses." You never would have thought so much about it a couple of years ago but eye glasses are now the new fad to fashion. It denotes who you are while benefitting you with, what my friends and I like to call, HD vision. This post is dedicated to a very good friend of mine. A man of such fine calibur with such keen sense in style, it does not cease to amaze me that he would create such structured, beautiful artwork for people to wear on a daily basis. I recently purchased TWO of his designer glasses and pushed the envelope a bit. Bringing back the cat-eye old 50's librarian look, I decided to get Derek Cardigan 7005 (wider frame in Black) and 7006 (smaller frame in Brown Tortoiseshell and Pink). They fit perfectly and I feel they define who I am. It's weird how an item of clothing or an accessory can make you feel more confident in yourself, almost like another puzzle to the piece you call "you."

To see all the styles that he's created visit ClearlyContacts.ca or click this link if you're just THAT lazy: Derek Cardigan

Thanks!

i'm on layaway...

"Hey girl, are you single?"

...No, I'm on layaway.

What Does Layaway Mean?
A purchasing method that allows a consumer to put a product on hold by placing a deposit on the item. Layaway allows the customer to make smaller payments on the product until the purchase price is paid in full, rather than paying for the item with credit and adding interest to the cost. A layaway plan ensures that the chosen merchandise will be in stock and ready for pick-up when the final payment is made.
(Whaddup Google!!!)

So maybe, technically, I am single. I have no direct correlation nor do I "belong" to anyone. But let me use this term layaway correctly...For those who are willing to pay increments of their time in getting to know me. For those who understand that I am reserved, maybe even scared to fully reveal who I am, but are patient enough knowing that one day these walls will crack and break down. I am not here to test if you are worthy of being with ME...in fact, the only test or "accreditation check" is yourself. Are YOU able to take how ever long it takes to make me feel comfortable enough to let you into my life?

There are no added costs to getting to know me. I try to be as honest and vulnerable as I can be. Why settle for someone who is not willing to see you for who you are? Who doesn't accept the flaws in you, because you know and I know...nobody is perfect.

The biggest reward for me is feeling safe and secure; That at that pivotal moment (the final payment), I can trust that we're both equally and happily deserving of one another. When people purchase things they look at the quality of what they're buying. They look at the expense of the item, the necessity, the long-term value, and the significance of how this could benefit them. Why not take all of those considerations one step further and apply it to not just clothes, appliances, jewellery...and all those fancy things, but to love and life. After all, wouldn't you credit yourself to be the most valuable thing in this world?

There are no refunds. There are no exchange policies. Basically, I am on layaway for someone who can look at it all and in the end say, "she was worth every minute of it."

Addendum: I realize that this is my first post of 2011. Happy New Year to you folks who read my blog. Mainly my Facebook friend base and I've seen majority of you already...but still. :)