THE TRUTH?

You never truly are who you say you are until you show it; and half of the time the things that you say you are never really were you. Fuck the Conformist, and just be. Finding acceptance within yourself is far more preeminent than finding acceptance from other people. Don't look anyone else in the eye but yourself, none of their morals or values are yours anyway...Tell me what do you really see?
- J. Lacsamana 09.01.2010

excuse if i AM stingy.

WAKE UP CALL...and well, I could've written something in regards to this concept of being frugal with my feelings. It would probably be more personal that way. BUT after a friend of mine, Patricia, sent me this blog post a month back with the intentions as a follow-up to one of our "deep-running off tangents-what defines our lives" kind of conversations I came to the conclusion that this IS who I am when it comes to my morals and values or THAT aspect in life. Patricia got me spot on when she read this post and I would not have been able to describe it any other way...

STINGY written by Abigail

Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Stingy.

There are very few things in a relationship that I can guarantee. I remember someone asking me if I could ever give my boyfriend another chance if I caught him cheating on me, and while I didn't say yes I honestly couldn't say "NO," either. I just said, "I don't know." But about 2 things I do know for sure: 1) Once he blatantly puts his hands on me - IT'S OVER, and 2) I could NEVER knowingly be the "other woman".

They say never say never, but I just did. And it's not entirely because I think us females should stick together (although we should), or even because I got good morals (although I do). Real talk? I just don't like to share!

And this is for several reasons.

For one, I'm way too prideful for that shit. I refuse to let a man have the satisfaction of fucking both me and another chick at the same time. The fuck I look like giving him that good-good when someone else just did the same? I'm not the Queen of Kama Sutra but I believe every self-respecting woman should treat their body like it's a motherfucking wonderland and be shady on who they let go down the rabbit hole. In my opinion, you can have sex with more than one person at a time but still be selective.

Second, if I'm fucking you, most likely I'm affectionate with you, which means most likely I have feelings for you - even if just a little bit. And that's my biggest problem (or maybe to some, blessing). I am an emotional creature. I'm sorry, I can't help it. I have this stupid thing called a vagina. It's extremely hard for me to separate lust and like. I've tried, and it worked for about 2 days. It's not that I catch feelings easily, it's more like I ain't fucking with you unless I'm feeling you to begin with. And this is not good if the dude you are feeling ... is feeling all up on someone else.

I'll share my clothes, my shoes. My perfume, and my MAC fluidline. Give you my jacket and the last $20 in my wallet. MAYBE even the last bite of spicy shrimp and cheesy grits on my plate. I said maybe lol. But never my man. Call me old fashioned, call me boring, call me stingy. I'm stingy with my kisses, with my hugs, with my sex, and with my feelings. If I'm writing you cute 'lil messages on post it notes and sticking them on the tv for when you wake up after I'm gone, if I'm dropping you off lunch, if I bought you a gift for no reason other than to make you laugh when you open it, if I'm sending you pic texts of me making funny faces that I'd only let you see me making - I'm doing all these things only for you. I'm sure the chauvinistic pig in a man feels that there's more than enough of them to go around, but I'd want him to be stingy too.

'Cuz just as much as I don't want to be the other chick, I don't want to be the "main" either. I want to be the ONLY.


CLICK HERE to go to the original blog piece...

Also check out my friend, Pat's page...

PATRIZZLE

Thank you! :)

ode to r&bsides...

consider the first time you fell in love...good feeling huh? now take that, mix it with a little bit of your ideal soulmate, and that steady reassurance that this could possibly be the person you spend the rest of your life with. nothing could feel more safe and secure than falling in love for the last time...

a prose.

She sat at her dresser, looking at the motionless reflection that stood infront of her. She studied her long luscious locks of black hair, which fell like strands of fine ebony silk in such a way the old fashioned French could only describe as bien cuit or done to perfection. Her skin smooth to the touch, like a porcelain goddess there were no wrinkles visible to the naked eye, not even the tiniest ripple of age. Her luminous eyes could see through any man's soul, and her stares burned imprints of desire and lust into their brains making them weak and unhinged...Insanity! She smiled and it shone like genuine pearls incandescently lit by the sun's rays. She had everything, yet she had nothing. Her mirrored image was but a canvas of black and white. The absence of colors. There were no vibrant pigments to wrap her in blankets of warmth and tenderness. There were no hues of blue to cool her down on a hot summer's day.

She closed her eyes and felt herself fall into a trance. Her dream was a different world...a world of certainty and strength. A world of love and sensitivity. A world of union instead of divisibility. If she could dream forever, the life of intemperance would be in her hands. If she could dream forever, the existence of reality would be just a distant memory. If she could dream forever, the dictionary would lose its word called "purpose." The painter of dreams lived in her mind, body, and soul. She knew it was time to separate normality with divinity as she awoke. To dream, dream, dream. To lay in the lap of the painter...to entrust the keeper of the canvas. To dream a life worth living, is a dream she knew all too well. And so, she was the painter of reality and she was the painter of the norm. He was her painter in dreams to follow....and hand in hand they became one.

J. Lacsamana

C.R.E.A.M

We are overruled by a corporate world. People in business suits throwing lawsuits. They plead injustice and are served with a big fat pay cheque as a reward; countless lies, countless victims, numerous accusations held with restrictions.

Music is art, art is creative freedom of expression; Yet these laws cause repression. Stamped with countless rules and jurisdictions. Music is a mosaic of familiar sounds and inspirations. These people are the Picassos, the Van Goghs, the Michael Angelos of our time painting the pictures of what our eyes do not see!

They pick and choose songs to sample from like how many make collages or scrapbooks. It's a representation of who they are, what they are about. A place where no rights should be involved, no boundaries, no business-tied accomplices should step foot in, and no judgement should take place.

Music should equal passion, not money. The mathematical equation does not add up at this point. The ability to influence someone so much that they would want to add you to their collage, their artwork, turn it around, and make it their own should be taken upon as flattery and not taken upon with legal action. It's a disappointing factor but the reality is, with the kind of society we now live in, even...
Cash...
Rules...
Everything...
Around...
MUSIC.

J. Lacsamana 11.19.2009

another year over, a new one's just begun.

A Happy 2010 to all who read my blog. It's a clean new slate. Made for resolutions. Changes. Projects. Healthy life-style choices. I fall in the "none of the above category" for one particular reason. Evolution, goals...shouldn't have to start or depend on a New Year. It should be an on-going process that happens at the most sporadic time...with reason and realization as to what this particular task is benefiting you for, at that precise moment in your lifetime. Like this blog entry for example? Was really a means to showcase my snazzy nails that my sister-in-law did on my unproductive NYE bash, consisting of stuffing myself with mom's home-cooked food and sleeping for most of the night until Dick Clark came on TV. Now that's what I call, bringing in the New Year with a BANG...

IMO.LOL.WTF?!

Soon we'll be talking in a world filled with abbreviations...evolution of linguistics. Weeeeird.

This blog was completely random.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

"Where is my soul that I might play the music of my own life with such enthusiasm?"

I'm reading Paulo Coelho's, "Veronika Decides To Die." Like many of his books, quotes of inspiration come to mind. It's about the social ties between 'madness' and what majority of the world perceive as 'normal.'

There's a chapter in the book in which one of the clinically insane characters comes to see Dr. Igor, the doctor who manages the asylum known as "Vilette." Her question is plain and simple..."Is she cured from insanity?" He goes into many stories of how things were invented in society, with no explanation to why they are of the norm or socially accepted now. Reading these following excerpts opened my eyes to a whole new perspective on life in this world and the confidence to accept my existence for who I am, whole-heartedly:

(This excerpt is after Dr. Igor enlists the comparisons and relations of prominent inventions, that we barely take notice of in our everyday lives, being considered the 'norm.')

"...Each human being is unique, each with their own qualities, instincts, forms of pleasure and desire for adventure. However, society always imposes on us a collective way of behaving, and people never stop to wonder why they should behave like that. They just accept it...Have you ever met anyone in your entire life who asked why the hands of a clock should go in one particular direction and not in the other?

If someone were to ask, the response they got would probably be: "You're mad." If they persisted, people would try to come up with a reason, but they'd soon change the subject, because there isn't a reason...

You're someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that, in my view, is a serious illness.

...If you force yourself to be the same as everyone else: it causes neuroses, psychoses, and paranoia. It's a distortion of nature, it goes against God's law, for in all the world's woods and forests, He did not create a single leaf the same as another. But you think it's mad to be different."

There is so much content in this book that I wish to share. If you want to know what I'm seeing in this book...a revelation, an epiphany, if that's what you want to call it, then READ IT!

What an AWEsome way to start this upcoming year...