I'm not drop dead gorgeous or the envy of all women and married men in the room. I don't have the sexy body of a Maxim model with curves all in the right places...I think I'm cute, but there's more to me than what meets the eye that suffice to the "lack of" whatever I'm lacking. There's been theory into why men love bitches and I'm not here to prove them wrong; for the most part, I think men really do strive on the challenge. But I'm not here to waste anybody's time. I'm not here to play the "hard to get" game and perhaps that's why I've been single for a while now. I refuse to alter who I am for the very reason that I love being vulnerable to falling in love. I'm sorry if I like catering to people's needs but that's what makes me happy in life. I come across the ones that take advantage but I still give them the benefit of the doubt to prove me...no, to prove everyone else wrong. Why? For this simple fact: No matter how hard a person plays "the game" in the end they always want the same thing...to love unconditionally and to get that same feeling in return. Excuse me if I am brutally honest with how I feel but it's only because I care. Not many can say they have true friends out there but I've been blessed enough to say that I do. If I say you're an idiot it's because you're making a fool of what I think you really are and I know you're better than that. If I say you're being a bitch it's because I know you don't have the heart to be THAT cruel. If I say that I love you it's not because I want you to take my heart and run away with it...it's because I want to share it...with you. I apologize if I'm ever jealous or envious, it's the humane part of me that I unfortunately can't control. It just means that you have an amazing quality in you that I wish I had for myself OR I feel that I'm not up to par with what I think you deserve. I think everyone deserves the best but I'm learning not everyone is and I should be fine with that. I'm sorry I'm not your average girl...and no, I'm not going to boast about how incredibly nerdy or tomboy I am...I leave you to be the judge on that...I mean, I don't have excess baggage. I don't have the dramatics of a sappy sad love story to give you to make you feel sorry for me. I don't have the psycho ex boy friends who will come after you if you step a foot near me. In actuality, despite our differences and the reasons why we went our separate ways...all the exes were pretty nice. I'm sorry that you're not going to have to fight for my attention because I know what I want, if what I want is you, you already have my undivided attention. I guess it may not be exhilarating enough without the chase, but here I am, because I think we're both deserving of each other.
In the end, these apologies mean nothing because I never really was "sorry" for who I am. I am confident enough to say that these characteristics, morals, and values are what make me, me. Those who are presently in my life are my witnesses. I hold no barriers when it comes to them because I genuinely love each and every one of them.
Ultimately, I'm just like you...and you...AND you...a girl waiting to take another chance in love.
J. Lacsamana 09.10.2010
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