the heart of the matter

I wake up everyday asking the same question. About 99% of the time I get the same answer. Is it me not being able to accept defeat? Maybe. Am I making assumptions and could the real answer be the one I want? Possibly. Realistically, the plausible answer is not so realistic. The pain rides through the preferred outcome, making it more difficult in the end...than it really was intended to be. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best thing to do overall. So I ask myself at the present time being, what am I doing here and how do I get myself out? The only profound answer that comes to mind is to turn from the contemplation and just walk away. And then I start questioning my actions...Is that the cowardice thing to do? Is there a better way to handle each situation more diligently? So in the end, I'm left in my despair to choose not to run away until I think of a better game plan. It's a battle between heart and mind, passion vs. substance...a constant internal feud that tends to render itself within humanity. An ongoing theme that resonates within the INDIVIDUAL and not with any animate or inanimate (for that matter) thing before them. I keep telling myself to let time run its course. Eventually, the answer becomes a lot clearer, right? WRONG...I find myself in a bigger shithole of questions that always lead me back to the same answer. This cycle has no end. When the answer is finally there, there will always be the "what if's" because in life you're never really satisfied. You always want to discover and explore the possibilities. You are your own maze with no finish. There never is a conclusion to the question. The battle of heart and mind never ends. Eventually you grow tired and learn to let it be...

**Addendum: It's funny how small little decisions open a can of worms and break through walls of hidden emotions you're trying to hide. I've been dealing with predicament after predicament with fam issues lately. More so closed issues that I constantly think about. Not open for discussion to people especially family. I wrote this piece after having a difficult time figuring out what shoes to wear. Ha! Go figure.