know your worth

If he fails to recognize the beauty and value you hold; If he decides that the girl every man lusts for is way more significant than you; If he'd rather go for sex appeal than substance; If he seeks attention from every other girl besides you; If he thinks that innocent flirty texts to other girls consist of "let's get drunk and see where things go" or "I think you're beautiful"; If by the end of the day you're not one of the last things that cross his mind.

-- Walk away. He does not appreciate the lovely woman standing before him.

Because, someday, someone will realize your beauty and value you as their prized possession. Because someone, somewhere thinks that you are the most wondrous and alluring creation put on this earth. Because a woman with substance IS sexy. Because your attention should be the only one that matters. Because one day those won't be JUST innocent text messages and although other girls may be found attractive, his eyes should only see true beauty in you. Because when the sun sets and the moon rises he should know just how lucky he is to have a charasmatic, exquisite, breath-taking gem like you. Something so much more and incomparable to any other woman that has walked in and out of his life. A majestic and ageless gift to him, which is your unconditional love.

So, if he fails to acknowledge that and would rather live the "playboy" life...just leave. He was obviously not worth your time and you were evidently just a facade of a mature and blissful relationship that he could have had.

LGS

No, it's not the brand LRG. No, I didn't mean LSG (Levert, Sweat, Gill)...although their single "My Body" was sexy enough to get any girl to drop her panties and do the body roll.

-- LGS, everybody has them. Girl OR Guy. Some more than others. With Valentines Day on our minds this could possibly be the most depressing yet most fitting post for the occasion. This term is an acronym developed by a friend and I, made to describe a feeling. A feeling that we all know too well and is frequently shared amongst us on romantic holidays such as today:

L - Lonely
G - Girl/Guy
S - Syndrome

For the days we just want to shit-kick the world, shut everyone off, and be alone. It's that emptiness in your chest on a rainy day. It's that pain-staked stab in the heart where your mind goes blank and leads to the next occurrences. It's that sting in your eye that can make any grown up cry. It's that numbness you feel after you think that your whole life is meaningless and broken. It's that punch in the gut, knocking the wind out of you, making it hard to breathe. It's that realization that you only have yourself in this harsh world, and that no guy, no girl, no friend and no relationship could ever fix that void that you feel.

I'm not going to sit here and whisper words of encouragement. I'm not going to deny that, that shit sucks. Cause, to be real honest, it does. What I can promise you is this: It'll happen again. You will deal with it now and every holiday spent alone. You will deal with it on your days off from work. You will deal with it when you're having the time of your life with your friends. You may not deal with it now, but you will deal with it years ahead from the present. And all you can really do is accept it. You don't need to embrace, you don't need to rectify why you feel the way you do. Just accept. And hope the next time you're feeling LGS that it won't be so frequent or so bad.

i'm on layaway...

"Hey girl, are you single?"

...No, I'm on layaway.

What Does Layaway Mean?
A purchasing method that allows a consumer to put a product on hold by placing a deposit on the item. Layaway allows the customer to make smaller payments on the product until the purchase price is paid in full, rather than paying for the item with credit and adding interest to the cost. A layaway plan ensures that the chosen merchandise will be in stock and ready for pick-up when the final payment is made.
(Whaddup Google!!!)

So maybe, technically, I am single. I have no direct correlation nor do I "belong" to anyone. But let me use this term layaway correctly...For those who are willing to pay increments of their time in getting to know me. For those who understand that I am reserved, maybe even scared to fully reveal who I am, but are patient enough knowing that one day these walls will crack and break down. I am not here to test if you are worthy of being with ME...in fact, the only test or "accreditation check" is yourself. Are YOU able to take how ever long it takes to make me feel comfortable enough to let you into my life?

There are no added costs to getting to know me. I try to be as honest and vulnerable as I can be. Why settle for someone who is not willing to see you for who you are? Who doesn't accept the flaws in you, because you know and I know...nobody is perfect.

The biggest reward for me is feeling safe and secure; That at that pivotal moment (the final payment), I can trust that we're both equally and happily deserving of one another. When people purchase things they look at the quality of what they're buying. They look at the expense of the item, the necessity, the long-term value, and the significance of how this could benefit them. Why not take all of those considerations one step further and apply it to not just clothes, appliances, jewellery...and all those fancy things, but to love and life. After all, wouldn't you credit yourself to be the most valuable thing in this world?

There are no refunds. There are no exchange policies. Basically, I am on layaway for someone who can look at it all and in the end say, "she was worth every minute of it."

Addendum: I realize that this is my first post of 2011. Happy New Year to you folks who read my blog. Mainly my Facebook friend base and I've seen majority of you already...but still. :)

these are my confessions...

I'm not drop dead gorgeous or the envy of all women and married men in the room. I don't have the sexy body of a Maxim model with curves all in the right places...I think I'm cute, but there's more to me than what meets the eye that suffice to the "lack of" whatever I'm lacking. There's been theory into why men love bitches and I'm not here to prove them wrong; for the most part, I think men really do strive on the challenge. But I'm not here to waste anybody's time. I'm not here to play the "hard to get" game and perhaps that's why I've been single for a while now. I refuse to alter who I am for the very reason that I love being vulnerable to falling in love. I'm sorry if I like catering to people's needs but that's what makes me happy in life. I come across the ones that take advantage but I still give them the benefit of the doubt to prove me...no, to prove everyone else wrong. Why? For this simple fact: No matter how hard a person plays "the game" in the end they always want the same thing...to love unconditionally and to get that same feeling in return. Excuse me if I am brutally honest with how I feel but it's only because I care. Not many can say they have true friends out there but I've been blessed enough to say that I do. If I say you're an idiot it's because you're making a fool of what I think you really are and I know you're better than that. If I say you're being a bitch it's because I know you don't have the heart to be THAT cruel. If I say that I love you it's not because I want you to take my heart and run away with it...it's because I want to share it...with you. I apologize if I'm ever jealous or envious, it's the humane part of me that I unfortunately can't control. It just means that you have an amazing quality in you that I wish I had for myself OR I feel that I'm not up to par with what I think you deserve. I think everyone deserves the best but I'm learning not everyone is and I should be fine with that. I'm sorry I'm not your average girl...and no, I'm not going to boast about how incredibly nerdy or tomboy I am...I leave you to be the judge on that...I mean, I don't have excess baggage. I don't have the dramatics of a sappy sad love story to give you to make you feel sorry for me. I don't have the psycho ex boy friends who will come after you if you step a foot near me. In actuality, despite our differences and the reasons why we went our separate ways...all the exes were pretty nice. I'm sorry that you're not going to have to fight for my attention because I know what I want, if what I want is you, you already have my undivided attention. I guess it may not be exhilarating enough without the chase, but here I am, because I think we're both deserving of each other.

In the end, these apologies mean nothing because I never really was "sorry" for who I am. I am confident enough to say that these characteristics, morals, and values are what make me, me. Those who are presently in my life are my witnesses. I hold no barriers when it comes to them because I genuinely love each and every one of them.

Ultimately, I'm just like you...and you...AND you...a girl waiting to take another chance in love.

J. Lacsamana 09.10.2010