i'm on layaway...

"Hey girl, are you single?"

...No, I'm on layaway.

What Does Layaway Mean?
A purchasing method that allows a consumer to put a product on hold by placing a deposit on the item. Layaway allows the customer to make smaller payments on the product until the purchase price is paid in full, rather than paying for the item with credit and adding interest to the cost. A layaway plan ensures that the chosen merchandise will be in stock and ready for pick-up when the final payment is made.
(Whaddup Google!!!)

So maybe, technically, I am single. I have no direct correlation nor do I "belong" to anyone. But let me use this term layaway correctly...For those who are willing to pay increments of their time in getting to know me. For those who understand that I am reserved, maybe even scared to fully reveal who I am, but are patient enough knowing that one day these walls will crack and break down. I am not here to test if you are worthy of being with ME...in fact, the only test or "accreditation check" is yourself. Are YOU able to take how ever long it takes to make me feel comfortable enough to let you into my life?

There are no added costs to getting to know me. I try to be as honest and vulnerable as I can be. Why settle for someone who is not willing to see you for who you are? Who doesn't accept the flaws in you, because you know and I know...nobody is perfect.

The biggest reward for me is feeling safe and secure; That at that pivotal moment (the final payment), I can trust that we're both equally and happily deserving of one another. When people purchase things they look at the quality of what they're buying. They look at the expense of the item, the necessity, the long-term value, and the significance of how this could benefit them. Why not take all of those considerations one step further and apply it to not just clothes, appliances, jewellery...and all those fancy things, but to love and life. After all, wouldn't you credit yourself to be the most valuable thing in this world?

There are no refunds. There are no exchange policies. Basically, I am on layaway for someone who can look at it all and in the end say, "she was worth every minute of it."

Addendum: I realize that this is my first post of 2011. Happy New Year to you folks who read my blog. Mainly my Facebook friend base and I've seen majority of you already...but still. :)

"Where is my soul that I might play the music of my own life with such enthusiasm?"

I'm reading Paulo Coelho's, "Veronika Decides To Die." Like many of his books, quotes of inspiration come to mind. It's about the social ties between 'madness' and what majority of the world perceive as 'normal.'

There's a chapter in the book in which one of the clinically insane characters comes to see Dr. Igor, the doctor who manages the asylum known as "Vilette." Her question is plain and simple..."Is she cured from insanity?" He goes into many stories of how things were invented in society, with no explanation to why they are of the norm or socially accepted now. Reading these following excerpts opened my eyes to a whole new perspective on life in this world and the confidence to accept my existence for who I am, whole-heartedly:

(This excerpt is after Dr. Igor enlists the comparisons and relations of prominent inventions, that we barely take notice of in our everyday lives, being considered the 'norm.')

"...Each human being is unique, each with their own qualities, instincts, forms of pleasure and desire for adventure. However, society always imposes on us a collective way of behaving, and people never stop to wonder why they should behave like that. They just accept it...Have you ever met anyone in your entire life who asked why the hands of a clock should go in one particular direction and not in the other?

If someone were to ask, the response they got would probably be: "You're mad." If they persisted, people would try to come up with a reason, but they'd soon change the subject, because there isn't a reason...

You're someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that, in my view, is a serious illness.

...If you force yourself to be the same as everyone else: it causes neuroses, psychoses, and paranoia. It's a distortion of nature, it goes against God's law, for in all the world's woods and forests, He did not create a single leaf the same as another. But you think it's mad to be different."

There is so much content in this book that I wish to share. If you want to know what I'm seeing in this book...a revelation, an epiphany, if that's what you want to call it, then READ IT!

What an AWEsome way to start this upcoming year...

fiendin' and jonesin'

I'm currently typing from a coffee shop near my house called WAVES. I've been a regular here for the past two weeks accompanying my best friend, Christine, as she studies for her Nursing exam coming up. I have probably consumed about 10 cups of Iced Lattes, Dark Roast Coffee, Red Rooibos Tea. Caffeine has become a food staple and I get headaches when I don't get my fix. Pretty bad huh? I've gotten to the point where even the songs running through my head are about caffeinated food and beverages aka "Chocolate High" by Musiq Soulchild and India Arie. Hahaha! "You're my double caffeine dream, yeah..." pretty much sums up how I feel everytime I walk into this place. Nonetheless, the company and the talks have been awesome.

I spent most of the night yesterday watching videos on the Philosophy of Life and Death. The prof is a guy from Yale University, Shelly Kagan. It's a very broad topic and in a world where death can be torn between a society of acceptance and a society where the concept is frowned upon...there are many heated arguments with human development about the concept of life. The class challenges the students to think outside of the box in more realistic ways as opposed to the values and traditions that we often are exposed to. I'm not quite done watching all the videos or even grasping the ideations that this prof is putting on the table but so far it has been an interesting philosophy to follow. I'll keep y'all posted on that!

I still have much of the day to finish. I haven't been following NBA too much but I hear it's Game One between Lakers and Denver. Not jumping on any band wagons so I'll just ride the "whatever" train and watch for the heck of it.

Happy Tuesday!